Warning: This is a rant!
PEOPLE ARE SO DELUDED!
I’m at a Nice business event and some Nice guy in a Nice suit is at the front of the room giving a Nice endlessssssszzz presentation on Presentation Skills. It’s all very Nice.
I’m guessing this is also taking place in boardrooms boredrooms in Belgium and Japan and the Ukraine and maybe even in Hawaii.
Shoemaker Has No Choos!
I’m writing this on a napkin while Mr. Presentation Skills is yapping about the art of public speaking, totally oblivious to the indisputable fact that he is relentlessly BO-RING!
This presentation oozes unintentional irony from every corner (yes, this presentation has corners!), climaxing when he reads, I repeat “reads”, the words, “Do Not Read Your Presentation From The Screen” from the screen.
Then he drones on for 8 1/2 minutes about the importance of using stories in your presentation– without ever (the whole evening!) telling us even one single story!
I’m not usually nasty in these posts. You know me. I’m nice. It’s nice to be nice. And nasty is not my intention. (You still like me right? I ask this in a transparently needy, Sally-Field-at-the-Oscars kinda way.)
But someone had to blow the whistle on this — the man is still droning on! I’m not picking on THIS guy. As I said, he’s NICE!! And he’s definitely not the worst public speaking speaker I’ve heard. But he has no business teaching other business people how to be more boring than they already are.
I Don’t Mean to Be Mean But..
Going on and on about This One Guy would just be mean (and we’ve already established that I’m not mean!) It would be pointless and bordering on Simon Cowellish if I were just talking about him. But it’s not just him. Every day, there are hundreds, thousands of guys in navy blue suits traveling around preaching the gospel on what to do with your hands (who cares?) and what font to use on your PowerPoint slides.
Chuck the slides. Chuck the boring. And most of all, chuck 92% of the Public Speaking Skills speakers, teachers and preachers!
Anyone who calls their 90 minute blah, blah, blah speech “Presentation Skills” or “How to Be an Effective Speaker” or “Public Speaking 101″ or “Communication Skills” or “Effective Presentations” (did I give enough versions for the SEO to kick in?), they’re kinda giving you a hint of what’s to come. Run while you still can! Run, my friend. Run like the wind!
Once the Presentation Skills Presentation (the dreaded PSP) starts, you’re stuck in the room. How many blog posts can you write on napkins? How many trips to Europe can you plan? How many…
And still, he drones on, the Energizer Bunny in a suit… Talk about the blind leading the bli— SHUT UP ALREADY!!
It’s No Crime to Be Boring
Let me be clear. It’s no crime to be boring. People do it every day.
But to stand on a podium, to stand behind a lectern, to plod through 167 PowerPoint slides on How to Give an Effective Speech while the 2-3 Toastmasters students in the crowd scurry to diligently scribble notes and the audience titters with polite laughter at your lame jokes―Dude, you’re not funny!
Some of My Best Friends are Boring!
Don’t get me wrong. I love boring people. If everyone were captivating, I’d have to find a new line of work. But to sully the good name of… (not really headed anywhere with that sentence but the temptation to use the word “sully” swept me away).
Boring doesn’t sell. Ad man David Ogilvy told us, and he was right; you can’t bore people into buying.
Want to learn how to captivate an audience? Watch kids— before they’re taught to “behave”. Or if you must study at the feet of a public speaking guru, make sure your guru captivates you!
Bottom Line
Be spectacular. Be brief. Be seated.
So there you have it. A 97 page treatise from me on why you should be brief when opening your mouth in public.
Long-windedly yours,
Tsufit
P.S. Want less rant, more “How To”?
Grab 11 F.ree Secrets From The Spotlight!, tips on how to be a star, at www.secretsfromthespotlight.com
P.P.S. Forward this post to 5 people who need to read it (even if it makes them mad!) and to 5 other people who will be relieved that someone finally said this stuff out loud! (Tip: Let them all think they’re in the second group!)
Choos-ism borrowed from Marie Hale.“Be Seated” adapted from Franklin D. Roosevelt who said “Be sincere. Be brief. Be seated.”Chutzpah inspired by Guy Kawasaki. [Who're we kidding? The chutzpah comes naturally.]
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